Happy Anniversary to US!

As I reflect on this amazing dream that I get to call my life, (no matter how upside down and inside out it is right now!!) I can't help but realize it's been 9 years since we became one...
it's already our 9th- 9th- anniversary!!! 

Where did the time go?

We're both older, heavier, wiser...but more importantly more than happy in love!

I put together a video- don't laugh too hard- 

it's my first ever video via Windows Movie Maker,

but I made this little diddy from the photos I had available.

You'll notice, red eye from my before ever loving red eye camera, you'll notice no picture goes back to 2000 when we met, or 2002 when we got married- I had nothing digital from then. Also, you'll also note, we're pretty much always holding a child and there aren't very many of us together. I can't decide if that's entirely a bad thing, though...

This is for my sweetheart...

*For all you have given to me, done for me-

*for every mile we drove across the country to experience life together-

*for every argument we got to have and

*for every time we got to make up because of them-

*for every sunrise and sunset I got to watch with you-

*for every kiss-

*for every warm embrace-

*for every tear-

*for every walk, prayer, song in the car-

*for every time I looked at you and realized I was falling in love again-

*and for every day that we've lived since 2000...

I Love You!!!

***

I will always love you.

*For the good.

*For the bad.

*For what we don't even know lies ahead...

As long as I have you beside me,

I am happy.

Thank you for everything...

*~May 25th, 2002~*

Happy 9th Anniversary!!!!

                                                               Love,

                                                                     Kelly

Ah Sweet Silence...

"Ahhh!" Deep breath in and exhale out... that's me right now sitting in my bed, lights out and fan going. It's such a great noise, a fan running. It brings back such happy memories for me from my childhood. Some of the best days of my life have been rainy days spent inside at the kitchen table writing stories as my mom swept and mopped our little kitchen floor, or stirred away at a great big pot of elbow macaroni and spaghetti sauce, made from tomato sauce, little water, butter, garlic, salt and pepper. That's mine and my sibling's favorite little lunch when we're together. It's what memories are made of.

As the storm clouds are rolling in and the smell of rain fills the air I was compelled to run to my room for some quiet time reflecting on my family and at just how good great God has been to me. I am leaning on Him now for a big change to a big area of my life. It's scary, it's new, it's uncomfortable in a way, and very comforting in another way...but most of all it's going- if God allows it- to be an entirely enormous, super colossal, titanic, gargantuan, open up the barn doors kind of change!! Am I ready for it?? I think the real question is "am I prepared for it?".

God hasn't let me down. Not once. I don't think this is the year He's going to either. In fact, I should be embracing this change and asking God to do a mighty work through me for the people who will come in contact with me and for my family. Mostly, for my husband.

I have to admit, I "fear" not really fear, but am anxious about being away from my two boys. And about being away from my pajamas, home, and ability to rest-  or sit in my room on the internet listening to rain and the drumming of a fan...my comfort zone.

I think we do that to ourselves and don't even realize it. We create these walls of comfort and when they have to come down and our life's book turns another page we cling to it screaming, "No! No! No!" And we look at all the negatives this change will bring on.

To give you an example, I took the liberty of writing down all the negatives that me getting a full time job would have one me and my kids.

They are as follows:

1. I have to leave them everyday 5, sometimes 6 days a week.

2. I don't get to stay home in my comfortable clothes and do my daily chores at my leisure.

3. I don't get to play with my boys at the park, take them on walks when it's not busy.

4. I'll be gone 55 hours a week. :(

5. I have to pack my lunch (leftovers all the time- gag)

6. I'll probably still have to make dinner most days, and who wants to do that after a long day?

7. In the winter I'll come home when it's dark.

8. I won't get to have another baby for a long time. :( (What else was I made for other than to make babies?! And let's face it, I'm good at it!)

9. I'll still have to be away from my husband all week.

10. I don't want to have the pressure of finances on my back.

11. What if it's too hard and I hate my job?

Then, I couldn't stop there. I had to come up with all the positives! They are:

1. My husband gets the MUCH, MUCH needed time of rest for his own weary soul.

2. My husband gets to partake of all the joys I have had the pleasure of living- raising our boys.

3. My husband's job is getting rid of our medical insurance and cutting 401K in half within 2 1/2 years, so if I get a job we'll have all of the things we need.

4. I get to take my turn in helping out with the finances.

5. I'll really feel like I'm being there for my family when they need me most.

6. I have someone to clean the house for me! ;)

7. He also does the laundry.

8. And the yard work. Jeff is the best "Mr. Mom" I could ever want!

9. When I come home from work Hubby is there, my boys are there, and we can spend time together.

10. We'll get our life back!!!! No more 12 hour days and 12 hour nights and schedule changes at the last minute!

With Jeff's horribly, crazy job, we have lost so much time together it's hard to even imagine for people not living this schedule. It's not easy going to a job you despise more than anything- for 12 hours- every single day with no breaks for weeks on end. The only chance for our happiness and togetherness again, is for me to work.

I think I'd be selfish not to do this for my family- no- I know I would be. They need me. My best friend in the whole world needs me. He's worked full time and then some for almost 20 years...I think I can take that yolk from him for a while...

So, I have prayed about it. God has opened doors for me that I never even knew we're there. We'll see if this is what He wants for me, for us, for our family!

A Place of Sacrifice

"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." says John 16:33.

Never has this verse meant so much to me than it has in these past few months. With schedules here at home conflicting, constant changing and  chaos have been my only two friends. I don't even know where to begin if I were to tell you all the things that have taken place with my husband, his job, my job and the lack of, commitments to social obligations and making sure I take care of all of my maternal/wife responsibilities! It's been trying at times, depressing at other times...even as much as I tried to be the positive, Christian wife that my husband needed at times, it felt as if it went unaccepted- almost as if I was "belittling" his pain and suffering.  In my heart it was all for the best and I was planting seeds so that his well of hope was full.

That's where we both were. I was worrying over him and the situation and he was begging God to DO something. NOW! It was exhausting. It was aggravating. It was awful. Have you ever been down that road? Where you know God can do anything, you've seen Him work in your life before, but He's just not helping you right now? Have you ever felt like you could beg and beg but there are only crickets to break the silence? And you hang your head, dry your eyes and think to yourself "What in the world am I doing wrong?" or worse, "Why has God forsaken me?"

Truth is, He HASN'T forsaken anybody. You know this already- so then you quickly feel guilty and try to hide that mistake under the rug before anyone sees that you weren't that "Strong" of a Christian- because, "how dare you question God- you must not be as strong of a Christian as I am!" Ever have those feelings as I have?! Maybe not...maybe so. Personally, I think we all struggle with feelings of "am I strong enough"- and if not, then maybe you have a different problem...

I said all of that to say this- when you come to the end of your rope- don't tie a knot and hang on. That is for people who don't know God. Instead, build an altar. Yes, that's right. Build an altar. If you read the Bible enough you know of this word and it's meaning: a place of sacrifice, a place of slaughter. It is first recorded in the Bible that Noah made an altar after the flood. Other altars were made including ones made by Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Moses and is mentioned 24 times in the New Testament!

Every time God brought His people out of a tribulation or delivered them from their heartaches they built an altar to Him. There were two kinds of altars, one for sacrifices and one for incense. The sacrifices people made in the OT were for the forgiveness of  sins, blood had to be shed- but now we have Jesus' sacrifice and so we no longer have to sacrifice animals and our best harvests. The incense, to my best knowledge, signified praise. I learned that offerings and sacrifice go hand in hand with praise!!

I find it very neat that God wanted altars built to Him. That we should never forget where He has brought us from...so that we could look back on our life and see all those altars that we built to remind us that God has never forsaken us, forgotten us, or failed us. He was always there- even though we might not have seen him or felt Him- He was in the midst of the storm. We had faith in Him- not in what we could see or feel.

Sometimes we {and I point the finger at myself too} must keep in mind and heart that faith in God conquers all fear. If we trust Him, truly, what is there to be afraid of? There are promises after promises that God will not leave His own to go hungry, homeless, and hopeless. HE HAS OVERCOME THE WORLD! What more can God say to us other than to shake us by our shoulders and yell "Hey You! I told you I'd take care of you now won't you just sit back and TRUST ME?!" But He won't do that. He sits back and waits for you to surrender. He waits for you to give every piece of you to Him so that He can burst forth in your soul and deliver you. When you get that, and you give it to Him- His yolk is easy. His burden is light. He wants us to trust Him with everything- finances, work, health...so that when you strip all of those things away there's only Him.

When you accept the situation and know that God has something for you to learn and grow from- then you find deliverance. It's when we learn to let go and give up control that God can fill us with His spirit. We're like wells...we need more and more of Him. How else can our cup over flow?

When God brings us out of a trial, we need to kneel down at an altar and give Him the praise for what He has done: in us, through us, and for us. Then we can look back on our life when it is over and see all the places that God has taken us and see the paths that He has made for us...lovingly, guiding us through this little lifespan on Earth...and we can know that our God was always there.

How Would I Know By Kathy Troccoli

If it wasn't for the times that I was down
If it wasn't for the times that I was bound
For all the times that I wondered
How I would ever make it through
All the times that I couldn't see my way
And I had to turn to You

How would I know You could deliver?
How would I know You could set free?
If there had never been a battle
How would I know the victory?
How would I know You could be faithful
To meet all of my needs?
Lord I appreciate the hard times
Otherwise how would I know?

I remember all the times I had to cry
And at the time all I could do was wonder why
Why would a God so kind and loving
Allow me to go through all this pain?
If I could see into the future
Then I would know the joy I'd gain

How would I know You could deliver?
How would I know You could set free?
If there had never been a battle
How would I know the victory?
How would I know You could be faithful
To meet all of my needs?
Lord I appreciate the hard times
Otherwise how would I know?

How would I know that you could
make a way out of no way?
How would I know if I never had a need?

Easter Story Cookies

I thought Easter Story Cookies would be a great idea for a Chef Charlie "episode". Anything with meaning and a life lesson behind it is my favorite way to teach. So, here is the story of Easter...Resurrection Day...told through a cookie...

 

Here's the book we got the recipe from. This book has all kinds of recipes from Jeff's family members and from people who attended the Mintonville United Methodist Church! 

This recipe came from Barbara Moore.

First we preheated the oven to 300*.

While the oven was preheating, we put pecans in a Ziploc bag and beat them into little pieces. I explained how after Jesus was arrested he was beaten by the Roman soldiers!  

 "Then Pilate therefore took Jesus, and scourged him. 2 And the soldiers platted a crown of thorns, and put it on his head, and they put on him a purple robe, 3 And said , Hail , King of the Jews! and they  smote him with their hands." John 19:1-4

Then I let Charlie smell and taste the vinegar. This was to illustrate that when Jesus was hanging on the cross and he said, " I thirst" they gave him vinegar to drink.

Vinegar is bitter!

^"After this, Jesus knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the scripture might be fulfilled, saith, I thirst. Now there was set a vessel full of vinegar: and they filled a spunge with vinegar, and put it upon hyssop, and put it to his mouth.When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost" John 19:28-30 

 

The egg whites represented life. I told Charlie that Jesus gave His life so that we could have abundant and eternal life through Him if we accepted His gift of salvation!

"...I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep." John 10:10,11

Next I sprinkled salt in Charlie's hands. I let him taste this, too. He noted it's saltiness. I told him that this is like the salty tears that the people who loved and followed Jesus shed for Him when He was on the cross. And it also represents the bitterness of our own sin. 

Now, sin is a thing that is over Charlie's head- in fact, all of this probably is- but one thing I'm sure of, and that is that by teaching Charlie about Jesus and what He means to us and what He did for us at an early age and throughout his life, he will know the Lord and hopefully follow in our footsteps and serve Him. I pray everyday for the day Charlie becomes a believer. Right now, he goes to church because I take him. But one day, he'll walk through those doors on his own!

"And there followed him a great company of people, and of women, which also bewailed and lamented him.

But Jesus turning unto them said, Daughters of Jerusalem, weep not for me, but weep for yourselves, and for your children." Luke 23:27,28

So far the ingredients haven't been very tasty. But that's about to change!!

 We added 1 C of Sugar. I told Charlie that the sweetest part of this story was that Jesus died in our place, on the cross, because He loves us! And we love Him!

"O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him." Psalm 34:8 and we all know John 3:16- "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth on Him shall not perish but have everlasting life."

I beat these ingredients for 15 minutes! Finally, a beautiful soft white "batter" came out of those ingredients. I told Charlie it was white as snow- because when Jesus died He washed all our sins away- our sins became "white as snow" as we are born again! 

"Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." Isaiah 1:18

 Next we folded in the broken pecan pieces...dropped by tablespoons on a greased cookie sheet. I said to Charlie that they were like the tomb made by Joseph that Jesus was put in. Matthew 27:57-60

I put the cookie sheet in the oven, turned it off and handed Charlie a piece of tape. 

 

We sealed the oven door, just as Jesus' tomb was sealed...

*I gave Charlie a bath and put him to bed.*

This morning, we found the oven opened and look inside the cookies!!! They're empty, just like the grave!! Jesus is no longer dead- He is yet ALIVE!! 

Matthew 28

¹In the end of the sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, came Mary Magdalene and the other Mary to see the sepulchre.

 ²And, behold, there was a great earthquake: for the angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat upon it.

 ³His countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow:

 ⁴And for fear of him the keepers did shake, and became as dead men.

 ⁵And the angel answered and said unto the women, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified.

 ⁶He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay.

 ⁷And go quickly, and tell his disciples that he is risen from the dead; and, behold, he goeth before you into Galilee; there shall ye see him: lo, I have told you.

 ⁸And they departed quickly from the sepulchre with fear and great joy; and did run to bring his disciples word.

 ⁹And as they went to tell his disciples, behold, Jesus met them, saying, All hail. And they came and held him by the feet, and worshiped him.

 Here are the tombs this morning!

I don't know if you can tell it, but they're EMPTY!

Charlie thought they were great!! 

Now we're eating breakfast, getting dressed and ready to go to church!!

 HAPPY RESURRECTION DAY EVERYONE!!! :o)

Your Heart is for Storing Your Most Precious Memories...

Open up another browser and listen to this song  as you read this blog...it makes me cry every time I hear it! It's my love song to my children!

As Charlie's 2nd birthday nears I have a list in hand of all the little things I have to do and buy in the next few days to prepare for his little shin-dig we'll call a party. But I can't help but go back to the morning he was born....

Here's what it looked like in case you forgot.

Every thing I write down on my list, from "pick up Gerber Training Pants, wrapping paper and order balloons" to cake ideas and making homemade frosting brings another moment from the event forever recorded in my heart. 

I write "birthday plates, cups and napkins" and see us checking into the hospital and seeing the time on the clock, it's 6:40pm on a Thursday night- and then I write "train whistles and conductor hat" and remember the nurses gathering around me because it's now time to meet my little boy and then I picture Charlie's day and opening presents and seeing him smile and my mind goes back to "push Kelly- you can do it!! Just one-more-time!" and now it's 6:19am and he's in my arms- and I see him look at me- and immediately I've fallen in love.

So, this year, and every year I guess, as I plan his little BIRTHday celebration, I'll remember the days, the weeks, the months that I carried him beneath my heart and the seconds, minutes and hours that it took to have him in my arms... and he's moved from beneath my heart to inside my heart...and there is no greater blessing than knowing that a piece of your very being is living and breathing and walking around...because you gave it LIFE.

I know some people think birthday's are no big deal. No special thing to get worked up over and throw a party. But I disagree. Life is a gift. Life is so, so precious that you cannot ever take it for granted. Not one single day. Life was meant to be spent for greatness...loving people around you, and more importantly, the people God has given you. Sure, he won't remember it when he's this little. But I will. 

Sometimes the greatest part of being a parent is looking back on the crazy birthday party you've just had with a hundred people at your house, cake in your hair, wrapping paper too big to fit the garbage can, and a years worth of toys you don't need- just to lay in bed with your spouse holding hands, and smile in the dark and say- "What a beautiful boy the Lord has given to us. How lucky to be called his Dada and Mimi."


We're not promised tomorrow. And the heartbreaking thing is, neither are our children. And as frightening of a thought as losing a child is- it is real. It does happen. And I never want to look back and say "if only I'd had that birthday party and a video of him opening gifts...to see him smile and play one more time.........I didn't know it'd be his last..." I can't swallow that pill.


I pray every day that God keeps His hand on my babies, my husband and me as well. I need to be there for my family and I need each one of them to be there for me.


Birthday's to me have always been important. You could ask my husband what my favorite day of the year is and he would have told you "her birthday" until we had Charlie and Wesley. Now the correct answer is, "April 9th and October 22nd- followed by May 25th (our anniversary), Mother's Day and then May 13th (my birthday) and March 4th (Jeff's birthday)." I LOVE birthday's! They're so much fun! You get to celebrate the day that your children were born!  Even Christmas, the most beloved day of all, is a birthday! 


So anyway, while it's nearing Easter, another one of my favorite times of year, and Charlie's 2nd birthday, my mind is FULL of all the little special things I get to do for Charlie! He's going to love his birthday gifts- and everyone singing to him, the balloons, the train whistles and all things CHARLIE! I can't wait to get him dressed up to look like a little train conductor and have him greet our family at the door and show off his train cake! (Crossing my fingers that it turns out ok!) 


I really hope Jeff gets to help me decorate Charlie's cake and set up for his birthday. I'd love to have that memory stored in my heart for when our kids are gone and it's just me and him again...and wiping tears from our old eyes, we'll remember when...

Last year: Charlie's 1 year picture.

Don't grow up too fast, Charlie. Mommy's not ready yet...

One of My Rewards...

Today was Baby Dedication! 

Here are some photos of our special day!

 Getting emotional now as Brandi sings a song called "A Mother's Prayer". Tears were flowing from this girl's eyes as I imagined my little boy growing into a wonderful young man.

 

As I looked  on the large screens at all of the children being dedicated, their little innocent faces all round and sweet...it made me so humbled to be once again reminded that we are the ones God gave them to! 

We are responsible for their lives and we were given them as a reward from our Father! 

Oh the love that God has towards us!

As Easter, or Resurrection Day as I like to call it, nears us- I can't help but be overwhelmed, joyfully so, to know that because of that enormous love, God sent Jesus to die for us. Becuase of that love He GAVE his only SON to be our sacrifice so that we would have a way to heaven. Could you give your child up to die for people who hate him? Neither could I. But God did. 

THAT'S how much He loves you.

And as I thought of this love I realized that Wesley can grow up and do so many wonderful things for God. Things that I have only dreamed of doing. But because I raised him to serve the Lord I do get to do the things he'll one day do. Because I had a hand in that. All the greatest missionaries and preachers around the world had/have a mother. 

One that prayed next to their bed as they silently slept. 

As I do.

Cumberland Falls

Our Annual Family Trip to 

Cumberland Falls!

 

 

 Food: Lunch meat, fruit and sweet tea! 

Not to forget to mention some chocolate!

A few sodas to keep us awake won't hurt!

 

Charlie loves his fruit!
I'm so glad he's not a picky eater!

 I could start out with a "fruit of the spirit" joke-

but this truly is food for body and soul!

Needless to say, we had a very nice time! The park was virtually empty and the sound of water falling next to our "camp site" made you want to slip off to sleep and dream a dream!

With the beautiful scenery all about us,
I took the liberty to do a photo-shoot with Charlie.

They turned out nicely, I think!

 (love this one)

 

 

                                                                         

Now here are some random pictures of Charlie and Jeff playing, Wesley and Mommy and Wesley finally crashing on the blanket!

 
Here are the past three years of pictures of us at Cumberland!

 

2009

 2010 (pregnant with Wesley)

2011

We had to change the scenery this time and change the rock we sat on because there was a family picnicking right behind the original rock. All in all, we had an absolutely wonderful time!!! 

*After leaving the falls we ventured up to Mt. Vernon and had a wonderful dinner with out friends Jeremy, Jenni and there 3 little kids, Megan , Maddie and Luke! Maddie drove Charlie around in her Barbie jeep- he loved driving around the yard!!! I'd love to get him a car of his own one day! it would be cute watching Charlie and Wesley driving all around!! We got home that night at midnight and carried two sleeping boys to their beds! What a rejuvenating time it is to spend with good friends! 
Food, fellowship and fun!*