You Owe Me Nothing...

As you may know, Jeff and I just got back from Whitewater Rafting on the New River which is located in Oak Hill, West Virgina. It was an amazing time with perfect weather!! If you and your family are looking for some adventure then you should visit River Expeditions for more information!! You won't be disappointed!

As well as rafting, our church group also had marriage sessions on video by Charles Stanley's son, Andy, who is also a Pastor.  The series was called iMarriage. Everyone who comes in contact with this series will benefit from it. Let me just say, it will revolutionize marriage as we know it!

Here are some things I got from this seminar- you may also find these videos and workbooks online here. 

No.1: Ask yourself, "What does my Spouse owe me?" And really take a moment and answer to the best of your ability what you think your spouse owes you. 

If you're like me, you didn't put material things, but you put things like, "fidelity, unconditional love, communication, best efforts in caring for our family..."

Everyone has hopes and dreams and wishes and desires for their marriage and their life. These are God-given aspirations to grow, learn, be complete, share, give, receive and so forth.

The husband walks down the isle with desires for his new marriage.

The bride walks down the isle holding her box of desires.

But somewhere after the honeymoon or the carrying over the threshold- those boxes of desires gets dumped into a great big box of EXPECTATIONS.

The bride says after a few years of marriage, "What about that house you said we were going to live in."

The husband says, "How come the house is a mess or dinner is never done on time? At my house we ate dinner at 5 o'clock on the dot." Etc...

What we once desired from our other half is now what we DESERVE...and expect.

Now, it's not that you should never have desires- remember, these are God-given. However, when the house is clean when you come home and you expect it- there is no room for "Gee honey the house looks great!" because all she did was reach the bar you set- she's just reached your expectations. Same for the other way around. If honey comes home on time for dinner, there's no throwing your arms around him and saying "I'm so glad you're home!" because he's just supposed to come home, right?

Well, in answering the above question- your Spouse owes you NOTHING. Not his love. Not her fidelity. Absolutely, positively nothing. 

See, God sent His only son to die in your place. You sinned- you deserve death. But Jesus was your sacrifice. He owed you nothing yet He gave. And you are His tool through which He loves your Spouse. And whether or not your spouse does for you good things, or loves you or throws your love in the gutter...they will answer to God for that- and you will answer to God for the way you love your spouse. 

Just as we say, "God- thank You for forgiving my sins. Thank You Lord for loving me" we should also apply that idea to our spouse. If they abuse your love you say "Thank you Lord for your grace and mercy...I was so thankful for what You did for me that I just loved him anyway...He took my love and he abused it but I loved Him anyway because You loved me!"

See, when you look at it as your God-given job to love your spouse because Christ loved you- you do it with humility. It's a covenant. Not a contract.

Andy Stanley gave the example of a debt/debtor relationship. He said, "My mortgage company doesn't send me a letter saying 'Andy, you've been such a good customer in paying your mortgage on time we just wanted to bestow our gratitude and send you this gift card so you can take Sandra out to dinner." We all laughed! How true!!

But they WILL send you a letter if you miss a payment. Oh, you'll get all kinds of attention if you fail to live up to your end of the deal. That's a debt/debtor relationship. There's no room for love in one of those. That's a contract.

Again, Jesus owed us nothing- we owed Him. But He forgave us- died for us- and loves us. We are grateful because of it. Just as He says we don't owe Him- our spouse does not owe us either. They are not our mortgage company. Why then, do we only give attention to when they mess up or don't meet our "expectations"? 

See, if they meet our EXPECTATIONS- that's fine. That's what they're supposed to do. They've just met our standards. There's no extra hug or kind word or gratitude for what they have done. No thankfulness.

But when you look at it like a covenant instead of a contract there is love. Instead of it being "I" it's "i". A litte i marriage is intimate. A debt/debtor relationship destroys intimacy. Expectations of your spouse immediately changes the dynamics of the relationship. 

You love your spouse not the way they deserve to be loved, but the way God deserves to be loved.

So what are we supposed to do with our dreams and desires if they're not supposed to be fulfilled?

You be thankful when they are. That's it. You don't expect it but when it happens, even if it happened by accident when the other person didn't even mean to do it- you write a little note and put it somewhere they'll find it later- and tell them how much what they did meant to you and that you love them so much. 

You don't decide and pretend that your desires aren't there. That's a coping mechanism when we're hurt or depressed about something and that's not good to just say, "well, I didn't want that anyway..."

Don't say, "well, because you didn't meet my needs then I'm not going to meet yours either." Because what you're really saying to the other person is "I am as disinterested in this marriage as you are." And that's a dangerous message to send.

1st Peter 5:5 talks about Biblical humility. You choose to put your spouses needs ahead of your own. Why? Because God resists the proud. He says so. He gives grace to the humble. 

Andy also had a rope tied around the big I that he used as his example of an "I" marriage. He explained that when one person has a rope tied around the other person that's more like parenting- "and you didn't get married so you could have a third one of these". Some people that have a ope tied around their spouse, when the other spouse does something good, "ok, you came home at 6:30 sweetie so I'm going to go ahead and let you...dadadada...." fill in the blank with whatever. Brother Andy said that will work...but who wants that? 

You know the example of the triangle- where God is the head at the top of the triangle and you and your spouse are at each bottom corner. When you are living in a way that is pleasing to the Lord you climb that triangle and become closer and closer to God. And don't keep looking over to your spouses side to see if they're keeping up with you. It's between you and God and you're just supposed to love your spouse- you are God's arms when you hug that person. God uses YOU to love that person for Him! How amazing and powerful that thought is!! Almost too big to wrap my mind around- 

God put Jeff in my life so that I could love him for God!!! Brings me to tears every time I think about it! And because God loved me he put Jeff in my life to love me for God. His tangible love- His arms that comfort me are Jeff's!! How amazing that not only does God not expect anything from me- but He loves me so much He wanted to show me through Jeff! 

I hope, if you are married, that you take these notes and apply them to your marriage. So that you can have an iMarriage. Little i. Big marriage! Don't forget to look for this series and have a marriage party and invite your friends! It is so profound and yet simple. It's stirred my heart and made me see love as not something I'm owed but as something I'm given freely. And I can't help but cry with a grateful heart and thank my husband for loving me; because after all- he doesn't have to.

After 9 years of Marriage:

1. Marriage isn't about marrying the right person, but doing the right thing.
2. Jeff can't complete me, only Christ can complete me.
3. Marriage isn't about feelings but building a life together.
4. His family is my family.
5. The purpose of marriage is ONENESS - God either sees both of us or He sees neither one of us.
6. Marriage is a covenant - not a contract!
7. I will have an affair with Jeff, constantly :-)
8. The best gift I can give to Charley and Wesley is a healthy marriage.
9. Having God #1, Jeff #2 and Kids #3 - doesn't mean I'm neglecting my children.
10. I'm committed to fall in love with Jeff over and over again!
11. I want to grow old with Jeff!
12. Calling and ministry are a lot easier to fulfill when Jeff is your husband.
13. At age 27, nothing compares in life to wake up besides Jeff every morning!
14. I treat Jeff the way I pray my sons will treat their wife, one day.
15. Jeff treats me to the way Charley and Wesley will, one DISTANT day, they will allow their wives to treat them.
16. If I could do it all over again, I would choose Jeff every time...

Once Upon A Lifetime...

I've been thinking a lot about what I want out of life. What can I put into my life and the lives of those around me? I feel like there's something out there-great- for me to accomplish, but what is it?

This past Sunday my friends' Pastor, Greg Locke, of Global Vision Bible Church challenged us to start a life list- things we want to accomplish in our life. He said keeping it at a minimum would be better than having a long list. So, here is my list of 5.

Number 1: Value People Everyday

This may be a bit different than the typical "travel the world" but to me it is more important. What I do here on earth for the glory of God far outweighs any self fulfilling trips or materialistic properties. When I lay my head on my pillow I want to know that I added value to someone's life. I want that person to be better because they met me, because they had an uplifting, joyful conversation with me. I want to have the kind of disposition that tells them I am different and they want to know why. I don't tip based on what kind of serve I'm given I tip on what kind of Christian I am. If I'm a waitress who couldn't make my last bill, can't get my kid shots he needed, or had an argument with my husband, the last thing I need is to be de-vauled because I got your order mixed up. People are human, just like me. In a world that popularizes de-valuing people I want to be different. Not so that I can get a pat on the back but because my Father in Heaven is glorified when I esteem others better than myself. More than being loved, when I am gone, I want to be missed...missed because I valued people.

Number 2: Manage My Decisions

This one is a tough one. Did you know that the critical time for managing your decisions is 14 days? Just think of New Years Resolutions and diets. 14 days into the decision the brain begins to stop managing the decision and you must actively pursue the management or else it fails. At this point in my life there are several very important decisions that are being made and we are passed some of the critical times and just beginning the critical time in other decisions. Prayer has been the only way I have found to manage them.  I heard a quote that goes like this, "With every decision you are either preparing for greatness or repairing from the failure". Making a decision can be easy. Managing the decision when it gets tough is not. Right now, I am preparing for greatness. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 9:10 (I think!) that whatsoever your hands find to do, do it with all your might! You and I only have 1 life to live- so let's live it to the best of our ability!

Number 3: Become Bigger on the Inside than I am on the Outside

I find it so easy to be this "big" person on the inside. Even when I'm not even trying- that's how easy it is. The more you are in the world, around worldly influences, the easier it is to be like them. Rude. Short with people. Feel smarter or better than others.  I can't allow my attitude to reflect a negative image if I am to be a Christian. There's nothing good or attractive about a person that is rude and like Brother Junior Hill described as 'sand paper'. Meekness is having the position to put someone in their place but being under control and not doing so just because you can. You shouldn't let your position affect your disposition. I've heard the saying, "Don't let your reputation get bigger than your Character." Who I am when no one is looking is who I really am. What does this teach my children?

Job was the best example of being bigger on the inside than he was on the outside. A rich man- loved my friends and family- he had it all!! And Satan told God that Job only loved him because of the things he had- and God said you can do whatever you want to him but don't kill him. We all know this story. His finances were taken. His children were killed. His wife  said (whom you realize Satan did not kill because in the eyes of God Job and Mrs. Job were one flesh) to him "curse God and die" but Job, being bigger on the inside said "The LORD giveth and He taketh away- blessed be the name of the Lord"!!! What an amazing testimony Job is!

Number 4: Express Generosity Everyday

This one seems simple- too simple to put on a life list, right? Well, in a selfish world I think we have more influences to do what matters to "Me" than do what matters to someone else. Everything is instant gratification- what can I get out of this, "it's not fair you have it so I should too". That's totally opposite of what the Bible teaches. You wouldn't believe how being generous to someone makes their day! Because it's so uncommon anymore! Getting something off the top shelf in the grocery store for a little old lady means so much! Buying a friends lunch, sending a card in the mail to someone who's had a crisis or surgery or some other matter can be the one thing that brings them a smile. Why is it that doing good for others has gone by the way side and the only thing that matters is the mighty dollar and the next newest tech-y gadget?? People are worth so much more than this!

Number 5: Raise Godly Children that Win More and Do More for the Lord than I Ever Could

I'm a book girl- anyone who knows me knows I've got my nose wedged between the pages of a book whenever there's a chance! Mostly that's in the evenings so not too many people get to see what I'm reading. My latest book is "The Flipside of Feminism: What Conservative Women Know and Men Can't Say" and it is awesome! Let me just say, it's so true!! But anyway, that's not my topic- the next book I'm getting is called "Prayers and Promises for My Little Boy" by Stormie O'Martian. She's a great author and the thing is, she writes about things that are important- always with prayer! My life will be great if the things that matter and the lessons I learn are taught and carried on by my children, right now, 2 boys. I want to teach them to be MEN in every leadership, care-taker, and Provider way they can be. In this day and age men are merely inconveniences to most women and Dad's are beaten down before they even become men. It's a shame like most everything else popular today.

While traveling the world and many other fun things on a typical to-do list are enjoyable and may be something accomplished in this life for me, they are not what makes me happy and they will not leave a legacy behind for those younger generations to see. I want to be active in my church, my community and in my own family. Teaching, giving, loving, caring and putting a new sense of value in everyone I meet. And hopefully bring someone to know Christ as I do so that He can make them as happy, content, and fulfilled as I am!

4th of July FIREWORKS!!

This was my first time EVER photographing fireworks!!!

Here are my best efforts below.

{Word to the wise, fireworks that explode unexpectedly are STILL easier

to photograph than kids.}

At least my kids.

ENJOY!

{REALLY COOL!} unedited!

not bad for a first timer, huh?!

I hope you had a wonderful 4th of July!

I'm off to reheat some of the delicious leftovers for lunch!

The 4th of July!!

GodBlessAmerica!

My Home Sweet Home!

 My American Boy Wesley!

 Charlie and Grandma Marie!

 My American Boy Char-Char!

 Rebecca Star Grace!

 Us! What a happy picture!

 Wesley!

One of my creative pictures...

Wesley again! Or as Char-Char calls him, "Wuh-Wuh"

 There were so many things to photograph so to make it easier I just put a bunch in a collage so that you could see them all at once.

What a neat set up this was- and I learned some great things about money, weapons, and customs of the time...still, I am most grateful for Air Conditioning!!

 Papaw Charlie and Mr. Fred playing the guitar and banjo!!

 Pete- served in the Army, singing... great voice!!

 God gives his beloved sweet rest...

Wesley playing with Terri's yo-yo! 

This kid comes with strings attached! Ha!!

Tonight we're BBQ-ing hamburgers and hot dogs, pasta salad, steamed long green beans with balsamic vinegar and feta (three simple ingredients- lots of flavor!! Our favorite way to eat them!!), baked beans, chips, pop and Kool-aid for the kids! Hopefully we'll get to watch fireworks tonight if the rain holds off!!

Lastly, I just want to put a thought out there to all our Military men and women. This great land wouldn't be as great as it is without your sacrifice- and the ultimate sacrifice of those that have died for this great land.

An incomplete list of past wars include:

WWI, WWII, Korean conflict, Vietnam...

and more recently, Ground Zero on September 11th, 2001.

On September 11th I saw America not just as a place to live, 

a country on a plastic map, or as an untouchable, unattackable, bullet-proof nation-

But as a nation that was breakable but not unbeatable.

A nation that was vulnerable but victorious.

A nation whose soldiers were harmed yet heroic.

A nation that not only had a great anthem but LIVED UP to those last two lines-

where we sing with tear filled eyes and grateful hearts as we wave our flags proudly

"THE LAND OF THE FREE AND THE HOME OF THE BRAVE!"

America means MORE to me now 

that I have seen the wounds

she can withstand.

America is my home sweet home.

America is the land that I love.

I am PROUD to be an American.

I pray always,

God Bless America!!!