In recent months of my own uncertainties and in praying over family members' pains and other friends who have suffered greatly in these recent weeks, I feel very compelled to write about suffering.
Honestly, as I look back on my life, I can't really say that I have suffered much at all. Always had food and clothes and a home. None of these were the greatest in comparison to some other people or even what I have for my children today, but nonetheless, I wasn't suffering. I had a mom and dad under one roof until I was almost 24. I had a mom that took us to church, a grandma that sang gospel songs as she cooked and because I didn't have any special "toys" nature was my playground and God was my best best friend. I did have a very hard life in junior high and high school but God intervened my freshman/sophomore year and I can't say that I suffered much after that. A little but not much. It was these years of suffering that God made himself real to me. And I will never forget it.
But, why write a blog on suffering when I don't feel that I have suffered much?
Well, the answer first is that I am in the midst of a tiny storm...where I have asked God to hold the pieces of my heart together as it was breaking...and I thank Him for doing so.
The second answer is because some people close to me are experiencing things in their lives that are very hurtful, depressing, devastating, stressful, and exhausting. From a sister in law suffering from divorce and finds herself overwhelmed on a daily basis to a cousin who lost her first baby and is experiencing the emotions that come with tragic miscarriage...to a 1 year old nephew starved almost to death by his "parents" and now is in the care of my mom...from a family I don't know in Georgia that I have prayed for through mutual friends who have lost their mother (of 5 young kids!) and wife...all the way to some person that I don't know that is suffering and is reading this and hopefully finds comfort.
I'm writing this for myself and for you, whomever you may be!
Let's talk first about fretting. Because I think fretting starts the suffering...
When we read the Bible we see it says many times, somewhere around 365 times that is, to "fret not". A simple statement with great reward if we can only accomplish it! But like everything else in the Bible, reading and understanding something is a whole lot easier than living it! Putting these verses into action is way harder than it is to repeat them to someone going through a struggle in life...it sounds good, but how good are you at leaning on this principle? We all as Christians struggle with this...we are, in fact, human!
I heard an evangelist give testimony of a time when he was "brushed up against by someone like sand paper... a fretful person". And he explained how one comment gritted him like sandpaper. It was hurtful! And it liked to steal his joy away....but he realized that we will always have fretful people among us. Psalm 37 talks about not fretting over the evil doer- we will always have them, too! This chapter also tells us that it is soon that they will be cut down like grass...so that tells me that it won't last forever. Sometimes we gotta wait till spring to cut the grass! But eventually we do! And in the grand scheme of things, in comparison to eternity, the time we suffer down here is nothing!
This Psalm is so great because it tells us exactly what to do! To trust God, be patient, delight in Him and He will give us the desires of our heart and fret not- three times! God's really wanting us to get it through our heads that He is the One we take our cares and burdens to and cast them to Him!
Which brings me to suffering. Or, rather, carrying your cross.
I was just reading in my devotional yesterday (Resurrection Sunday!) about Jesus carrying the cross. Simon at one point was told to carry it the rest of the way. Some legends have it that Jesus still carried the front end, the heavier end, and Simon the lighter end, but either way, we can trust that Jesus is with us along the way!
Suffering was done on the cross. That's why things in this life are compared to carrying our "cross". Because we are always getting ready to go through a fiery furnace, in one currently, or just coming out of one. That's life. And carrying our cross and following Him is our path. It's the only way to get through trials and heartache. Suffering is a part of life. That's another reason why Heaven is so desired!
Our sufferings can be physical, spiritual or psychological. As in my examples above of just a few around me suffering different things, it can be from a cancer diagnosis, it can be the loss of a child, it can come in the form of child abuse and neglect, it can be a broken relationship, a spouse leaving for active duty in the miltary...whatever it is we can all relate through suffering.
However, we have prayer. We have a God that can {and has!} healed wounds and gave back quality of life to people. He is a loving and compassionate God who knows what suffering is like and who wants to heal us. Either from physical ailments to heartaches and everything in between...
We know sometimes a person's burdens are not lifted from them. We don't necessarily understand why some are and some are not. Paul prayed three times for his thorn in the flesh to be removed. Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane. But neither were spared their cross. This is part of the mystery and higher thoughts of God that we don't understand. But we can trust that God has a reason for it.
Those of us who embrace their cross through the grace of God find themselves leaning and depending on him more and more each day. Again Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 that God's grace is sufficient and that our strength is made perfect in weakness therefore he rejoiced in infirmities etc because when he was weak, then was he strong.
That's so powerful.
You know, in my situation with carrying a little boy that God has blessed me with, knowing he has a heart that isn't forming the way it should and will have to have open heart surgery as an infant if God doesn't intervene, not knowing how his little tiny heart will beat once he's out of the security of my womb, relying on my beating heart to sustain him...is fretful. But I'm not fretting because I know that God formed him. He knew him before I did. I am praying that His will be done. That I bring glory to Him.
The Doctors are saying that he has a possibility of a chromosomal abnormality as well such as down syndrome. Still, my heart is calm. I have peace that baby Henry will be just fine. And if he's not "fine" according to our standards, he will still be fearfully and wonderfully made. He will still bring glory to God and he will still be my little boy...forever and always my perfect little boy. And I am leaning on God and trusting that no matter what, Henry will be exactly how God intended. I pray that if it's God's will to heal him mentally and physically that He do so, but not my will but thine be done. Amen.
I love God. I love His loving ways. I love the fact that He has never nor will ever leave me.
When you realize that, you carry your cross a little differently. It's not forever, Friend.
Carrying my cross...
and looking up and seeing Jesus right in front of me leading the way...
Kelly
