3 Kinds of Lonely

Last night I experienced something...a feeling I haven't had in a long, long time. Loneliness. I have not been lonely since probably, I don't know, 2003 or something like that. Whenever it was Jeff worked a LOT and I was home a LOT with not many friends to hang out with. I remember driving home from a 10 hour day of babysitting only to pass Jeff on the road leaving the house to go to work. We were lucky that day to have seen each other and been able to wave a "goodbye-hello" combo wave. That was lonely. And that was how I felt last night.

Jeff gone to work and the 2 boys down for the count...I have way too much to do to sit and sulk about how I feel alone. But I did feel just that. Alone....all by my lonesome self...

And last night, well really it was 1:00 this morning, but still, middle of the night- I finally put it into words. There are three kinds of lonely...

The first kind is when you're single and you don't have that "special" someone in your life yet. You long for that perfect someone to spend time with and bond with. It can also be combined with no friends, or friends that are too busy to hang out with you when you're feeling lonely...so that kinda doubles the pain..."Hmmmph." You slump on the couch. (Sigh). "Why can't there be anything to do? Or someone to do it with?" You ask the air. That's one kind of lonely. I think everyone has experienced this kind at some point in their life.

The second kind of lonely is the kind I experienced in my above sentence about me and Jeff passing each other on the road. Missing your spouse. Boy, this is a tough one!! Jeff has traveled a few times without me in the past 8 years and it is so hard to go to and empty bed. This kind of lonely also applies to the widows/widowers.  When I think of my friends who have lost their spouses, I am just glad that mine is at work; and I pray right then that God protects him and brings him home to me. Even just sitting on the couch knowing Jeff is gone is hard. Going to bed without him is even harder. No one is there to keep me warm. I count down the night shift days of this crazy schedule of his and set my sights on the days that he'll be home! :) At least he's not in another country like my friend's fiance. She misses him terribly...

The third kind of lonely, is a new one to me. I think I experienced this kind for the first time last night...or was it Monday night? I had no boys. I have had Charlie now for 19 months and never felt this way. But when I put both of my boys to bed on Monday I had no one. Not Jeff. Not Charlie. Not Wesley. No one. Wow. That was a weird feeling. Most women would have been so glad to have had peace and quiet, and I'm sure I'll be there soon- but it was just too quiet...to alone sounding. I tried to sleep on the couch but ended up calling my mom to talk to her. That seemed to ease the time and I didn't think so much about being alone.

I just mostly miss Jeff and I think that because I am tired that, things that normally would not affect me this way, are affecting me. Does that make sense? It's like this, things that normally wouldn't bother me are bothering me because I don't have the rest I need in order to think clearly. My last blog had a lot of misspelled words in it and that's a huge pet peeve of mine, but I was too tired to catch them.

Well, the boys are in bed now. I should go and get as much of that needed sleep I complained about missing! 

Three kinds of lonely. One kind of tired.

Oh gee whiz, now I sound like a CLR commercial! You know the one..."three kinds of dirty, one kind of clean"... I knew I couldn't have thought up a cool ending like that on my own... :o)

Good night, sleep tight!