Open up another browser and listen to this song as you read this blog...it makes me cry every time I hear it! It's my love song to my children!
As Charlie's 2nd birthday nears I have a list in hand of all the little things I have to do and buy in the next few days to prepare for his little shin-dig we'll call a party. But I can't help but go back to the morning he was born....
Here's what it looked like in case you forgot.
Every thing I write down on my list, from "pick up Gerber Training Pants, wrapping paper and order balloons" to cake ideas and making homemade frosting brings another moment from the event forever recorded in my heart.
I write "birthday plates, cups and napkins" and see us checking into the hospital and seeing the time on the clock, it's 6:40pm on a Thursday night- and then I write "train whistles and conductor hat" and remember the nurses gathering around me because it's now time to meet my little boy and then I picture Charlie's day and opening presents and seeing him smile and my mind goes back to "push Kelly- you can do it!! Just one-more-time!" and now it's 6:19am and he's in my arms- and I see him look at me- and immediately I've fallen in love.
So, this year, and every year I guess, as I plan his little BIRTHday celebration, I'll remember the days, the weeks, the months that I carried him beneath my heart and the seconds, minutes and hours that it took to have him in my arms... and he's moved from beneath my heart to inside my heart...and there is no greater blessing than knowing that a piece of your very being is living and breathing and walking around...because you gave it LIFE.
I know some people think birthday's are no big deal. No special thing to get worked up over and throw a party. But I disagree. Life is a gift. Life is so, so precious that you cannot ever take it for granted. Not one single day. Life was meant to be spent for greatness...loving people around you, and more importantly, the people God has given you. Sure, he won't remember it when he's this little. But I will.
Sometimes the greatest part of being a parent is looking back on the crazy birthday party you've just had with a hundred people at your house, cake in your hair, wrapping paper too big to fit the garbage can, and a years worth of toys you don't need- just to lay in bed with your spouse holding hands, and smile in the dark and say- "What a beautiful boy the Lord has given to us. How lucky to be called his Dada and Mimi."
We're not promised tomorrow. And the heartbreaking thing is, neither are our children. And as frightening of a thought as losing a child is- it is real. It does happen. And I never want to look back and say "if only I'd had that birthday party and a video of him opening gifts...to see him smile and play one more time.........I didn't know it'd be his last..." I can't swallow that pill.I pray every day that God keeps His hand on my babies, my husband and me as well. I need to be there for my family and I need each one of them to be there for me.
Birthday's to me have always been important. You could ask my husband what my favorite day of the year is and he would have told you "her birthday" until we had Charlie and Wesley. Now the correct answer is, "April 9th and October 22nd- followed by May 25th (our anniversary), Mother's Day and then May 13th (my birthday) and March 4th (Jeff's birthday)." I LOVE birthday's! They're so much fun! You get to celebrate the day that your children were born! Even Christmas, the most beloved day of all, is a birthday!
So anyway, while it's nearing Easter, another one of my favorite times of year, and Charlie's 2nd birthday, my mind is FULL of all the little special things I get to do for Charlie! He's going to love his birthday gifts- and everyone singing to him, the balloons, the train whistles and all things CHARLIE! I can't wait to get him dressed up to look like a little train conductor and have him greet our family at the door and show off his train cake! (Crossing my fingers that it turns out ok!)
I really hope Jeff gets to help me decorate Charlie's cake and set up for his birthday. I'd love to have that memory stored in my heart for when our kids are gone and it's just me and him again...and wiping tears from our old eyes, we'll remember when...
Last year: Charlie's 1 year picture.
Don't grow up too fast, Charlie. Mommy's not ready yet...
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