First Round of Therapy for Henry...or Me?

So I didn't think about it at all until I talked to Jeff last night.
Here's a part of the conversation, the last bit between me and the developmental specialist yesterday:

Maggie: So when you lay in bed at night, what do you think about?
Me: Oh I look at Jeff and say, "seeyoutomorrow" and roll over and pass out. I'm to exhausted to think anymore!

Maggie: And if you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?
Me: Um, maybe to live in a different house in a different place.
Stevie (PT): You don't like your house? It's cute!
Me: I like my house, but I'd rather live in a ranch, I climb lots of stairs on a daily basis, and I'd like to have a big yard for the boys.

In telling this to Jeff he said, "They were probably looking for answers like,'I lay in bed and think about what it would be like if Henry didn't have Down syndrome' or 'I would change the fact that Henry didn't have Down syndrome or a heart defect' or something along those lines."

I stood there and said, "I didn't even think of that. Why didn't I think of that? Am I too selfish that I'd think more about a house and a yard than to give my son a normal life?"

Jeff said, "No, it's probably more that you understand that this is the way God made him and you're content with it. So content that it isn't even a problem to you. Their questions were psychological to see how you, Mommy, were dealing with Henry's issues. So they got to see that you're completely OK with it."

He must be right. I really don't mind his having Down syndrome. I wonder how Charlie and Wesley will deal with having a special needs brother when they're teens. I hope that they will not be embarrassed by him, and I don't think they will. I hope they never see him as defective, but special. He is uniquely designed.

All I know is, Henry is just like any other baby right now. Maybe it hasn't even hit me yet that he has it. Maybe I'm Ok because I don't know anything different yet, other than what it's like to spend hours at Children's hearing all the things that are wrong with my perfectly looking little baby. I don't know. Time will tell, I guess.

I guess I'm just nervous that I'm taking this so well because it hasn't fully hit me. I guess when all the other babies in the church nursery are sitting up and crawling and babbling and standing and cruising and playing, then I will really realize that I'm in Holland...and then I might get sad. OR- I might just really trust that God has a purpose for Him and I'll always be OK with my new life.  

I'm hopeful for the latter. If I cannot be content wherewith I am, then I am not wholly leaning on my Lord and He is not all that I need.

And He IS all I need.
Although, sometimes, I selfishly say inside,"Lord....you know I also need my babies...please keep them healthy and protect them..."

Just One Moore Day...just give me one more day...